


better to be laughed at than wrong

by vanceypants



Series: if i make it through tonight everybody's gonna hear me out [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Aliens, Conspiracy Theories, Established Relationship, M/M, The Squip and his complete absorption in ufology, This is one of the stupidest things I've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 10:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19004233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanceypants/pseuds/vanceypants
Summary: The Squip believes alien civilizations and their inevitable death rays loom nearer.  Jeremy just wants to survive until graduation.





	better to be laughed at than wrong

“You’re afraid of aliens?”

“I’m not afraid, Jeremy.” The Squip paced anxiously. His hands wrang together, and Jeremy worried he might somehow pop his fingers off with the intensity of the motion. “I’m merely speaking a valid truth.”

“...about aliens.”

“Yes, Jeremy, are you listening??”

His hands pressed against Jeremy’s shoulders, and he shook him, once, before Jeremy’s hands pressed against the the Squip’s as well.

“Squip,” He said, then sighed. “I, uh, I know I have delusions and all, but this is...this is kind of nuts.”

“It isn’t nuts.”

He’d offended him. He watched as the Squip moved away from him, arms crossed as he perched against Jeremy’s gamer chair. It rocked from his weight and the Squip tumbled backwards.

Jeremy shouldn’t have laughed. The Squip swiveled around, nearly snarling.

“Go to hell, Jeremy Heere.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I s-shouldn’t have laughed.” And then he snickered again. “But the way you fell a-ass over, um, ass over…” What was the saying? “Ass over t-tits-”

“I don’t have breasts, first of all. Second of all-”

“Relax, o-okay? I won’t laugh again. I promise.”

“Aliens,” The Squip said suddenly. 

It was such a non-sequitur that Jeremy started laughing again.

It would soon become a subject completely devoid of amusement.

***

“...like, uh, like mooninites?” Michael finally said, as both he and Jeremy stared at the whiteboard the Squip had rolled into Michael’s basement.

Immense notes and charts and mathematical equations littered the board. The Squip brandished a ruler, smacking it roughly against the dry-erase markings.

“This isn’t Aqua Teen Hunger Force, you out of date, retro-fucking-”

“O-okay, okay, that’s enough of that!” Jeremy laughed uneasily as he stood up, standing between Michael and his squip. He could hear the robotic hum of the Squip’s motor turning within his chest, and he wanted to lean back against him suddenly, just to feel the way he’d vibrate against him. Practically a purr. It was very cute.

But this wasn’t about cuteness. This was about preventing Michael and the Squip from duking it out in the crowded nostalgia of the basement.

Michael grinned. “No, Jeremy, come on. I want to hear the rest of that.”

The Squip placed his hand against Jeremy’s shoulder, then unceremoniously shoved him back into his beanbag chair. “I am speaking, Jeremiah,” He said coolly. “I would expect you to close your lips for once and listen.”

“C-close my lips?”

“Put a sock in it,” Michael kicked Jeremy’s shin lightly, a bright, amused smile on his face. “I want to hear the rest of this episode’s Ancient Aliens.”

The Squip seemed not to catch that he was being mocked. “Yes, Michael makes a good point. These civilizations likely evolved long before humanity. Which will certainly bring about advancements we can’t even-”

“Aliens a-aren’t...I mean, sure, they might be real, but you’re...h-he’s talking UFOs and anal probing, Michael.”

Michael opened his mouth as though to quip about that.

But the Squip was too fast. “You won’t be mocking me when you’re face-down in an examination table, Jeremy.”

“Yeah, Jer,” Michael nudged him. “Listen to Professor Spacecase.”

It finally seemed to dawn on the Squip that he was being teased. That he was the butt of the joke. He stared in gaped mouth shock at Michael, before picking up the eraser and flinging it at him. It bounced off Michael’s face, his glasses falling eskew at the contact.

“O-okay, that’s enough fun for today.” Jeremy jumped up, grabbing the Squip’s arm. He glanced back at Michael, mouthing a ‘sorry’, as he lead the Squip out of the house.

***

The Squip looked distracted as Jeremy kissed his neck. His hands moved under his buttoned shirt, and he stroked his silicone skin softly.

“Wh-what are you thinking about?” Jeremy asked huskily.

“The lunar base for Hitler’s secret, elite task force, mostl-”

Jeremy grabbed a pillow, smacking the Squip in the face, before going off for a cold shower.

***

“Aww, sounds like he’s just...man, I don’t know.” Rich’s sympathetic tone fell into confusion.

Jeremy balanced the receiver of the phone between ear and shoulder, a towel draped in his hair to dry it. He felt like a gossiping housewife, and abruptly tugged the towel from his wet curls, tossing it onto the counter.

“He’s driving me-”

“Bonkers?”

“-I w-was going to say crazy, but I guess that works too.” Jeremy sighed softly. “Does your squip talk about aliens?”

“I mean, he has some strong feelings about immigration and the ingrained racism of society as a whole, but nah, I’m the one usually going off about Star Trek and shit. Yo, speaking of, would you rather fuck Kirk or-”

“I can’t tell if he’s pulling my leg or not.”

“Mmm, James Tiberius Kirk pulling my leg.”

“Not Star Trek sh-shit, Rich. I’m talking about Squip.”

“Oh.” He could practically hear Rich shrug. “It’s just a special interest. Wasn’t he super into horses last month?”

Jeremy sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“It’s just a hobby. It’s kind of cute anyway.”

“Not really.”

“Sure it is! And he’s trying to share it with you. I’d hear him out.”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow. “You’d actually humor him?”

“Yeah, man. He’s your bae, right?”

“G-gross.”

“What? He is. Hear him out. It’s important or fucking whatever to indulge your babe once in awhile. Trust me. I don’t give a single shit about whether or not popped collars are coming back into season, but my boy gets so excited when he talks about it that I sorta melt a little.”

“Th-that’s different. Your squip isn’t going on about a-anal probing at the breakfast table with your father.”

“...okay, that’s a little weird.”

“Right?”

“He probably thinks your squip is anal probing you.” There was a pause. “I mean, he is. But your dad doesn’t need to know that.”

“Oh my god.”

Still, maybe Rich had a point. About indulging interests, not so much about the probings. “I, uh, I guess I could hear him out a little bit…”

***

“-and thus their language may be far removed from anything we even consider speech. And that becomes even more complex when we take in antennae and other external processing-”

Jeremy immediately regretted humoring him. He stood up, placing his hand over the Squip’s mouth, feeling his lips continue to move for just a moment before he realized he was being silenced.

“I-I’m going with Michael to g-get fitted for graduation gowns.” He kept his hand on the Squip’s mouth, but leaned over to kiss his forehead. “Please stay off those conspiracy websites for at least a few hours?”

The Squip mumbled incoherently against his hand, his brows furrowed in offense.

Jeremy kissed his head one last time. At least that part was cute. 

The three hours of ‘alien civilization 101’ certainly hadn’t been.

***

“I’m a sentient robot, Jeremy. Or should I say, I’m a sentient supercomputer who lived in your brain, which now has an artificial body that you wasted thousands of dollars on.”

Jeremy frowned. There was a lot to unpack there. 

“F-first off,” He finally said, “I didn’t ‘waste’ anything.” He started to move closer, with the intent of grabbing his hands. The Squip pulled them away, turning around, his back facing Jeremy.

“Second of all, why, uh, why are you giving me an exposition dump on, um, on the history of your conception?”

The Squip glanced behind his shoulder, finally swiveling around to face him again. “Robots are also “science fiction,” as you so eloquently stated about my theories.”

Damn.

He sort of had a point, didn’t he?

“That’s, uh, that’s different.”

“How?”

“People are...robots are...they’re real, for one thing.”

“As are alternate civilizations. Extraterrestrial evidence surrounds us. Look at the pyramids-”

“O-okay, actually, those were made by my people, not by Mork from Ork or, uh, or whatever.”

“I highly doubt the pyramids were made by chronic masturbators. That’s ludicrous.”

Jeremy blinked. “N-no, I meant--wait, that’s where you draw the line? That’s the l-ludicrous thing in this discussion?”

“Your entire everything is ludicrous.” There was a pause. The Squip’s face softened. “How did your finals go?” 

Jeremy hadn’t expected the shift in subject. “O-oh. Um. Actually pretty good, thank you-”

“I mean, it’s a waste of time, of course. First contact--well, first contact as far as the majority of people will see it--will likely commence within the next five years. Your high school diploma will mean nothing against their invasion.”

Jeremy wasn’t sure whether to laugh or scream. 

***

The Squip almost looked peaceful in sleep mode. Jeremy smiled, gently pulling the blankets over him, before he went back to cuddling against his back.

The Squip sat up abruptly. “You won’t probe me today, bastard-” He swiveled around, shoving Jeremy from the bed.

Jeremy winced. “Wh-what the hell?”

The Squip paused, staring at his prone form. “That’s what you get. I’m prepared for any invasion, of any planet or orifice.” He paused. “You should consider better preparing yourself, Jeremy. Any alien king would be pleased to take you as their bride.”

Jeremy flung his pillow at the Squip’s smug face.

***

Mr. Heere took photo after photo of Jeremy in his cap and gown. Jeremy smiled sheepishly, posing with Michael for the next set.

“I can’t believe you’re all grown up.”

The Squip sat on the couch, a bored expression on his face. Jeremy kept waiting for him to make a statement about the folly of celebrating something when surely they would all be scooped up to work in...whatever he’d said. Martian coal mines or something.

“I’m so proud of you.”

_So am I._

It was rare for them to communicate like that anymore. The Squip had adjusted to speaking aloud now that he had a body, even with the link that remained within their minds.

But the praise was almost enough to bring a lump to his throat. The barest trace of a smile touched upon the Squip’s lips.

_And I was wrong. Your education will serve you well when we have to escape their death rays._

Ah.

There it was.

Jeremy huffed, only to have to reassure his father that the petulant act wasn’t aimed towards him.

***

The ceremony was brief. Michael sat behind him, Rich only one seat away from him. Jeremy glanced over, smiling at the way Rich wriggled and played with the tassel on his cap.

He glanced to the bleachers next. There was his dad, trying to figure out the camcorder. And there was Rich’s squip, sitting in that way he did, as though he were taking up too much space, hunched over and squeezing his legs together.

Unlike Jeremy’s squip, who seemed determined to take up as much space as possible without outright manspreading.

He could see the annoyed look on Rich’s squip’s face, as his own animatedly spoke to him. Rich’s squip glanced towards the graduating class, visibly mouthing ‘help me.’ Rich grinned, shooting him a thumbs up.

“Your dude’s been talking to mine about spaceships for, like, the past two weeks,” Rich giggled.

Jeremy was mortified, face splotchy and red even as he was called up to collect his own diploma.

***

“So are we going out for ice cream, or are we staying for the lock-in?” Michael said as he finally broke away from the crying, fussing mess of his mothers.

“I-I mean, I don’t see why we can’t do both.”

He waited for the Squip to say something about lock-ins being dangerous in these troubling times of uncertain invasion.

Or maybe he’d say the school would be a safe fortress.

Or maybe-

“You should do both,” The Squip said simply. “You should both be very proud of yourselves. This is a big milestone.” He placed his hand on top of Jeremy’s cap, looking at him intensely. “You did adequately.”

“Th...thank you.” Jeremy blushed. He half expected him to scoop him into his arms, dip him for a kiss.

But that certainly wasn’t the Squip’s style. He did reach down, though, grabbing his hand.

“Oh my GOD!” Jenna’s shriek cut through the crowd. “What the eff is that?”

At first, Jeremy thought she was talking about his raging bisexuality. Until he noted the expressions of his fellow students.

Eyes swiveled and turned, taking in the disks in the sky.

“Some sort of weather balloon?”

“A blimp?”

“Is that-”

The metallic disk hovered above their class. A harsh red beam shot out from it, and Jeremy could do nothing but stare in horror at the vaporized remains of Mr. Reyes.

“No more hot pockets for him,” Mark Jackson, who always seemed like he was from a different universe entirely, didn’t even glance up from his Game Boy as he remarked on the tragedy.

Bodies scattered in panic, and Jeremy stared at his squip in shock.

“I-is this...is this?”

“First contact.” The Squip said grimly. And then, crossing his arms, “I told you.”

“Y-yeah, yeah, really great timing on that, I-”

A beam of light shot from the ship, enveloping both Jeremy and his squip. He gasped, his body beginning to levitate upwards.

The Squip shimmied closer, wrapping his arms around Jeremy’s midsection, wide eyed fear dancing through his eyes. “Don’t worry,” He said, while clearly worrying. “I’m adept in every earth language. Surely I can figure out an extraterrestrial one as well.”

“Squip-”

“I’ll protect you, Jeremy.”

He watched as his graduation cap fluttered to the ground, as their bodies lifted nearer and nearer to the mothership.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Lemon Demon's Touch-Tone Telephone, but obviously diverting quite a bit.


End file.
